I have to admit it hurts.

Well, I know this has been a topic on my blog before, but I need to dump it on here again. Yesterday I went in to visit Nana. As I approached her, she frowned at me and said, "Who are you?" Thinking it was her eyesight that was an issue, I put my face closer to hers and gave her my best, silly, happy Eileen face. Nope. She STILL didn't know who I was. When I said, "I'm Eileen, your daughter", she replied with, "you don't LOOK like my daughter." The thought crossed my mind that I didn't know how to look any MORE like me than I do.

My horrible ex-sister-in-law used to say, "the moment just pulls at your heartstrings." My kids and I used to laugh at comments like that and roll our eyes. But, literally, I thought I could feel a knife slip right into my heart. It was all I could do to get out one sentence, before I felt the tears forcing their way out of my eyes.....no matter how hard I tried to stop them. (Biting my tongue didn't help, but it sure hurt!) So.......off we went about our day, ignoring the fact that my Mother did not know me. That's a tough one.

Change of plans......for now

Hi Everyone. Well, on our way over to visit Nana today, Grampa said he had "reconsidered moving into Hebert's" and he said, "Maybe it's not time yet. I was looking at all the nice clothes I have in my closet, and that would mean I'd have to give most of them away....and they I would have to give up my gardens......and cooking......" "So", he said, "I guess you'll have to put up with me for a while longer." I told him whatever he wants to do is fine with me.

However, in the back of my mind, I will still be working on the solutions, as the situation WILL COME.....sooner or later.

It's cool, damp and overcast today. When we got home, I had to put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Bbbbrrrrrrr!

Nana was in great spirits today, but her short term memory was about 30 seconds. Her two most frequently asked questions are "How old am I?" and "How long have I been here?" Today, Grampa and I took terns answering the questions. About her age, her usual comment is "Wow! I'm THAT old??? THAT'S old!!!" hehehehe.

The winds are changing......

As of today, my focus is on moving again. This particular move may take a while, but a move is a move......moving sucks. When it's all done, it's usually for the best, but there are thousands of decisions that have to be made for a move. I've never been very good at standing in the boat, when it's rocking! I promise all of you I will keep you updated on the ETA for this project. It could be months.....it could be a year.....it could be in two weeks.....nah.....not two weeks! There's too much to do. We are in the process of just checking with Grampa to make sure this is what he wants, and not just because he's had a couple of bad days, physically.

I do understand that he's only happy when he's with Nana. I watch that every day. Do I think he's ready to sign himself into a nursing home just to be with her? I don't know. I do see people in Hebert's who are in better shape than he is, and they seem quite happy. One of Grampa's buddies who he chats with when we go down, has been an inspiration to him. Of course, Matt has a totally different set of circumstances. We'll see.

Meanwhile, I had a wonderful visit with Liz and Mike this past weekend. We tried to squish as much fun into 20 hours as we could, and I think we did a damn fine job! Their house is amazing and beautiful and I just can't imagine how it must shock them every morning, when they wake up.....look around and say......."this is our home!" The house itself is beautiful, and it sits on probably the most stunning piece of land I've seen in a long, long time! Spending a few hours there, plus their smiles, and some 5 star food.....well, I'll tell you! It was refreshing to me, and felt like I was on a mini-vacation!!! Someday I hope to live closer to them. Maybe not actually in South Windsor, as I think it might be kinda expensive, but at least close enough to visit them once in a while. That would be nice. That's my plan, anyway!